haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
