Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
