to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm too high and old for this...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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