so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
