she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
