I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
