Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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