somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
