haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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