Don't you send me to vm
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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