We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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