You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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