so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
