its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
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