i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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