did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
