But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
