Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
