So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
