After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
