he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
