I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
