Swine flu. Run for my life!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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