It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
