he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
