Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Help. Why am I so naked?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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