Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
