I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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