Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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