you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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