Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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