Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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