I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
