i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
