remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
