I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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