I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
