apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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