She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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