he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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