my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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