Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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