So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
