it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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