i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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