3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
ok first of all what the fuck
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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