I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
