he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
