I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
