Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
